Tattoos have always fascinated me. I don't know exactly what is is about them that makes me like them so much, maybe its the art or the stories behind them, either way I just really love tattoos. The only problem is ... I'm too scared to get one.
Its something about the permanence of it, I guess. The fact that it is there forever and it cant ever change, and if there was a mistake, it would be horrific. I am also deadly terrified of needles so tattoos are out ruled. I have only ever had Henna or temporary tattoos. Regardless of all of this, in my head there are so many tattoos that I would get if I ever got the courage to get one. So its kind of a bucket list for tattoos that I'm never going to get and I have a few in mind for this list.
1. This one is at the top of my list and it would the first tattoo I would ever get. My favourite quote "Centrum Permanebit". It's from my favorite book series, and it is in Latin, which makes me love it even more! It translates to "The Center Will Hold" which is a recurring quote in the series. The reason this would be the first tattoo I would get is, not only because it is my favourite quote but because of the meaning behind it. In the series it refers to always being able to return to one person for comfort and stability and I love it so much because it always reminds me that I will always have my family and friends around me if I fall down and need help getting back up, it tells me that I will always have people in my life who care about me and who I can lean on if I ever need help.
2. The second I would get is a Peter Pan tattoo, yes I am 21 and no I don't care that its a Disney film, I will never grow up! Peter Pan was one of my favourite Disney films growing up. I wished that I could go to Neverland and never grow up. I even remember when I was little looking up at the stars and looking for the second star to the right, and hoping Neverland lay beyond it. So in homage to the never ending belief to never growing up and wishing for an adventure in Neverland I would get the two stars from the film, and I think I would get them on my right wrist, I always imagined I would get it there.
3. The next would obviously be a Harry Potter tattoo. I have loved Harry Potter ever since I can remember, and still do now although now I would say I'm obsessed with it. Although I didn't receive my Hogwarts letter, I am still waiting and the magic will never end. So I think I would like the scar as a tattoo, a very minimalist design and small. I'm not sure where I would want it, maybe on my ankle, who knows.
4. I honestly don't know why I want this as a tattoo but I do, I want a tattoo of a feather. I genuinely don't know why. I just think they look pretty, whenever I have seen someone with a feather tattoo or seen a picture of one they just look beautiful, and I would love one.
5. Lastly, the final tattoo I would want is a crescent moon and star. Right, I have been obsessed with moons and stars ever since I can remember, I just love them! I have so may pieces of jewellery with moons and stars, its starting to become a collection. when I had my first Henna tattoo done I got a crescent moon and star on my wrist and I loved it so much, that I knew I would love it if i actually got a real tattoo.
So those are the tattoos that I would love to get but never will. Please let me know what tattoos you have or want to have.
Sometime I have too many thoughts in my head, and I don't always know what to do with them, whether to write them down or cast them aside because their just thoughts. Words seem to flow naturally to me, maybe its because I'm a writer, maybe my brain is working overtime and I cant get it to shut off or maybe its me and my imagination running wild with my vocabulary. All seem plausible to me, when I'm thinking or trying to sleep.
Words fill my head, small ones long ones, ones in different languages from a time long ago, sometimes they come together to make sentences, whether they make sense is irrelevant. There are words I think of too often and some I don't dare say aloud for fear of someone hearing my words, my thoughts, my me.
My words are what keep me sane, sometimes. They give me so much its not possible to put into words themselves. Maybe that's the sad parts about them, they themselves sometimes aren't enough for adequate description.
Sometimes I question how many thoughts have been left behind, from either disbelief, fear or lack of energy. Lin Manuel Miranda spoke about giving up writing and said "whats the alternative, have a good idea stuck in your head, that sucks. Whats the alternative you went through life with this great idea and nothing came of it because you got tired." That has stuck with me ever since I heard it. There are so many thoughts and ideas left waiting because of lack of energy and fear. That thought genuinely scares me.
Until I was 20 years old I had never heard about Demisexuality or heard the term "Demisexual"at all. That was until I came across this video, from the Youtuber Evan Edinger, in which he talks about being Demisexual and identifying with that sexuality. It was only until I watched that video that I realized something about myself.
I am Demisexual.
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. - Demisexuality Resource Center
I had never really gave my sexuality much thought growing up, because I thought "I'm straight" and thats all I thought I needed to know. I didn't think there was anything left to know about my own sexuality, until I discovered there was so much more. Growing up I was never as interested in sex as much as my friends were, a lot of times we would play "Would You Rather" with sexual options and honestly I never saw the appeal of the game, as it wasn't really something I was interested in, or when my friends would tell me how they had been with people. I couldn't relate completely to what they were telling me and i never knew why. Honestly it made me feel quite left out because I was the "innocent" or "prude" one of the group, because I didn't want to talk about sex and felt out of my comfort zone whenever it was brought up.
This went on for a really long time, and I remember one of my best friends asking me how long it would take for me to be in a relationship before I slept with someone and I said "A few months or until I was in love with them." He was so shocked by my answer, because he thought that was a really long time. I always thought this was me "wanting to wait" but it was so much more than that. I physically couldn't think of someone in a sexual way until I knew them really well and had an emotional bond with them, hence why my answer was what is was.
Watching Evan's video and him describing Demisexuality and what that meant, made it click in my head. I am Demisexual. It explained why I couldn't feel any kind of sexual attraction to anyone unless I had an emotional bond with them. It made me so happy to know that it wasn't just me who was like this, or being "a prude" like I have been called in the past. Ever since learning about my sexuality, I have become so much more confident in talking about it with people, when I told my friends they were so supportive and understanding it made me feel so incredibly happy.
Being Demisexual and giving myself that label has given me so much confidence when people question me about my sexuality because now I feel certain of myself and I don't have to hide behind uncertainty from feeling like an outsider from my lack of interest in sex. It took me so long to find out about my sexuality and understand it. I wish I had known sooner, that I am not alone in it and it is completely normal to feel this way. It was through reading peoples experiences with it that I realized my sexuality and if this post can help anyone else, then that is great, because the best thing to know is that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.
If you would like to learn more about Demisexuality the Demisexuality Resouce Center is incredible and has so much information, so go have a look.
Its not a surpise that Game of Thrones is high on my favorite show list. It is utterly epic. So when I saw that Danielle, created a Game of Thrones Tag and tagged me in it I was ecstatic! Thank you Danielle! I am so excited to answer these question! *Spoiler warning for everything that is up to date with the show.*
Which season did you start watching and what got you into it?
I got into the show quite late, I started watching it after season 3 had finished. I had hear so many people rave about the show and seen clips online and it looked really good so I thought why not and I've been obsessed ever since.
Books or TV Show?
Although I have the books on my bookshelf i still have not got around to reading them just yet, so I definitely choose the TV show. No doubt.
You are born into one of the noble houses, which is it?
Stark! Yes I know they have the worst hand in the show and books but it is the only house I would want to be a part of, and I'm a northerner so it only feels right that I would be a Stark.
If you could have one of either a Dragon or a Dire Wolf, which would you chose and why?
Dire Wolf, I dont trust the dragons. I had a dog growing up so it would feel the same, only Dire Wolves are much much bigger
What has been the saddest death for you?
Shireen! I mean you have to be heartless for her death not to affect you, there was no reason to kill her and she's a child for crying out loud, no child deserves that, I will never forgive Stannis and Melisandre for that.
Out of those dead, or presumed dead, who would you bring back and why?
Oberyn Martell, he was such an amazing character.I think if he was still alive he could seriously help out with the mess in Kings Landing with the High Sparrow and all that Dorne stuff would never have happened also Myrcella and Trystane would still be alive.
Who were you most happy to see killed?
Is this a real question? Joffrey! Of course, I had been waiting for him to be killed of from the first episode, he was such a horrible character. Now i'm just waiting for someone to kill Ramsey! (I have now seen the latest episode. I am so glad Ramsey is dead!)
Who do you think would make the best spouse? (Think logically and not just who you think is best looking!)
I know everyone would say this but Jon Snow, he is incredibly loyal and protective and he has a very good heart and is really smart, so Jon is the best spouse, and the fact that he is played by Kit Harrington definitely helps his case.
Out of all methods used to kill on the show, which would you rather use to kill and which to be killed by?
To kill with, I think I would use poison, I don't know why but I feel if I was in GOT I would be sneaky with how I killed someone so poison is the way to go. Killed by, Im going with old age like Maester Aemon, its the most peaceful way, in a show where there are an infinite number of horrible ways to be killed.
''When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. '' Tell us your favorite quote from the show.
"There is only one thing we say to death, not today"
Those are all the questions, Thanks again to Danielle for tagging me! I cant wait to see the finale next week.
In January I got the incredible opportunity to do some work experience in a publishing House, which was Usborne, a children's publishers, and I had the best time ever.
Its not a secret how much I want to work in publishing, it has been my dream job for years, so to be able to spend time in a publishers and see how books come to life was incredible. Being from Liverpool it meant that I had to travel down to London for a week to be able to do the work experience, so it gave me the feel of living in London, which I hope to do in the next few years, so this was a good chance to see if I felt comfortable in the city and if I thought I could live there one day. (I did, I would move there in a heartbeat)
I didn't really know what to expect when I started my week at Usborne, the world of publishing was alien to me. I had only ever been on the other side, reading and reviewing books from bookshops or sometimes sent from publishers, so I was excited to see the side very few people get to see. Before I arrived, I found out that I would be working in the Non-Fiction department with my mentor Louie, who had set it all up for me, and I will always be so thankful to her for it.
My first day at Usborne, couldn't have been more perfect I arrived, and met Louie, who would be looking after me whilst I was there. She led me through the building introducing me to everyone and giving me a tour of the publishers. It was easy to feel at home there, everyone made it feel like a family. I was introduced to the people who I would surrounded by, they were all so lovely asking me about where I was from and what I want to do with publishing, and after that I was given my first piece of work to do.
My days after that were always packed with amazing things to do, exploring the in-house library of all the books they had published, getting to read manuscripts, meet the other departments, and I got to speak with one of the lovely women from the publicity department. This was one of the highlights from my time there, as my dream job is to be a publicity assistant, working with young adult novels, and to speak with her and talk about what it is that her job entails, made me so much more passionate and sure that this was the job I wanted to do. It was incredible.
My time at Usborne was incredible and it definitely has made me sure that I want to work in the publishing industry. I even got to go to #drinkYA in which I met loads of other people who worked in the industry, from writers, publicists, editors and they just gave me so much advice it was incredible. My time there was amazing, I met so many inspiring people and I learnt so much. Its no doubt to me now that I want to work at a publishing house, and hopefully one day I will.
I've been putting off writing this blog post for a while now, mostly because if I acknowledge it, it means it real. I've finished university and with that comes saying goodbye to the friends I have made for the past three years. My friends mean the absolute world to me and to say goodbye to them honestly is breaking my heart. I have a very close knit group of friends at uni that I am seriously close to. Some I have known for three years, some two and others one. But the amount of time I have spent with them doesn't matter, because these people have become like a second family to me, and I don't know what I would do without them. I know I wouldn't be the same person I am today without them and so to say goodbye to them; even though we have all said we are going to keep in touch with each other, feels like a part of my heart is going with them. I love my friends with all my heart, and I am going to miss them so much.
The goodbyes have already began, I have said goodbye to the one of the boys I have been friends with the longest, my best friend. Saying goodbye to him was so incredibly hard for me to do as he has been there for me for the whole three years, picked me up when I have been in tears, helped me through panic attacks and made me smile through everything, even holding my hair back when I had drank a little too much. He is also the first real guy friend I ever had. I lost count of the number of times I cried saying goodbye to him, and I know I will cry more when I see him at graduation.
I am saying goodbye to the rest of my friends in the next few weeks, and I honestly don't think I can do it, saying goodbye to one friend nearly broke my heart so saying goodbye to everyone is something I don't even want to think about, and these friends I have only known for a single year but they have become my best friends, they make me laugh, smile and just make me so happy I wish I had met them sooner. My friends are the people I give my whole heart to, that's just the way I am and to say goodbye is like them taking a piece of my heart away. (Im soppy, I know, but I'm serious.)
It has become so common place to see them more or less every single day, every week, and for this to just stop is going to be very odd, I think it will feel normal until September because it will just kind feel just like its the summer break and we will see each once term starts again, but that isn't happening, We will have graduated, there's no more classes to go to, no more houses to move into, no more freshers, no more uni. No more being half an hour away from my friends, being able to see them whenever I wanted because everyone was there.
Saying goodbye to these friends is going to definitely be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. I never wanted this day to come, but I guess I was foolish to think that, always the optimistic dreamer. I know I will see them again and we will stay in touch with one another, but after this it will be different, and I don't think I am ready for that.
I have been contemplating writing this post for a while now, as it is a topic that interests me and I have talked to many numerous people about it and had full in depth conversations about it as I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and since Valentines day has just passed I felt like now would be as good a time as any to talk about it.
I guess the big question as suggested by the title of this post is do you believe in love? I know almost everyone will say yes, as for humans it is only natural for us to feel love. We love our family, our friends, our significant others, we are creatures of emotion, it would be difficult for us not to love, but that isn't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the little ideas in love, like the idea of love at first sight. I'm always curious as to what other people think about this, so I asked twitter with the options Yes, No and I'm not sure. 87% said No and 17% said I'm not sure. So by the results no one was fully invested in the idea of love at first sight, and I am somewhat inclined to agree. I am a hopeless romantic at heart and I do love the idea of love at first sight, and I do believe there is a faint truth to it in my eyes at least. I believe that you can look at someone and instantly make a connection, whether that is love or something else, I don't know but I think personally to love someone so instantly as having your eyes meet, like in Romeo and Juliet. As much I want to believe in love at first sight as a hopeless romantic, I think love is too powerful and emotion for it to be created by locking eyes with someone.
Another idea that comes along with the topic of love, is that of soulmates. This is a topic that I love discussing, I remember talking with an ex-coworker about the subject and we talked for hours about it, and I loved it. The idea of soulmates, there being someone who is perfect for you in this world is beautiful and whether that is an a friend or in a significant other doesn't matter. Soulmates are without a doubt something I believe in although I know not everyone does, and that is fine, people have their own views on love, that is what makes it great, Love is different to everyone and everyone has their own definition of it, shaped by their views and their experiences. Personally I have never been in love but I have known the love of friends and family, and I have my own definition and view points on love that I wouldn't change for the world. Love is such an universal topic that everyone can understand and join in a conversation about, which is beautiful, and it leaves me to ask you, Do You Believe in Love?
Please let me know what your views on Love are in the comments as I would love to know :)