Being Demisexual ...

14 comments
Until I was 20 years old I had never heard about Demisexuality or heard the term "Demisexual"at all. That was until I came across this video, from the Youtuber Evan Edinger, in which he talks about being Demisexual and identifying with that sexuality. It was only until I watched that video that I realized something about myself.

 I am Demisexual.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. - Demisexuality Resource Center

I had never really gave my sexuality much thought growing up, because I thought "I'm straight" and thats all I thought I needed to know. I didn't think there was anything left to know about my own sexuality, until I discovered there was so much more. Growing up I was never as interested in sex as much as my friends were, a lot of times we would play "Would You Rather" with sexual options and honestly I never saw the appeal of the game, as it wasn't really something I was interested in, or when my friends would tell me how they had been with people. I couldn't relate completely to what they were telling me and i never knew why. Honestly it made me feel quite left out because I was the "innocent" or "prude" one of the group, because I didn't want to talk about sex and felt out of my comfort zone whenever it was brought up.

This went on for a really long time, and I remember one of my best friends asking me how long it would take for me to be in a relationship before I slept with someone and I said "A few months or until I was in love with them." He was so shocked by my answer, because he thought that was a really long time. I always thought this was me "wanting to wait" but it was so much more than that. I physically couldn't think of someone in a sexual way until I knew them really well and had an emotional bond with them, hence why my answer was what is was.

Watching Evan's video and him describing Demisexuality and what that meant, made it click in my head. I am Demisexual. It explained why I couldn't feel any kind of sexual attraction to anyone unless I had an emotional bond with them. It made me so happy to know that it wasn't just me who was like this, or being "a prude" like I have been called in the past. Ever since learning about my sexuality, I have become so much more confident in talking about it with people, when I told my friends they were so supportive and understanding it made me feel so incredibly happy. 

Being Demisexual and giving myself that label has given me so much confidence when people question me about my sexuality because now I feel certain of myself  and I don't have to hide behind uncertainty from feeling like an outsider from my lack of interest in sex. It took me so long to find out about my sexuality and understand it. I wish I had known sooner, that I am not alone in it and it is completely normal to feel this way. It was through reading peoples experiences with it that I realized my sexuality and if this post can help anyone else, then that is great, because the best thing to know is that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

 If you would like to learn more about Demisexuality the Demisexuality Resouce Center is incredible and has so much information, so go have a look.

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14 comments

  1. This is amazing Holl!!! So so glad you were honest and brave enough to open up and chat about this. It's so cool to identify with something and know that you're not alone :) I'm so lucky you've educated me on this as well, as I didn't know what this was!
    Awesome post! xx

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  2. This is a great post, very honest and open about such a personal issue. I'd never heard of this so I've been educated too. So glad you're finally able to feel you're not alone anymore.
    Sharon xx

    rosieloveslife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, im glad I can teach people about it :)

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  3. Wow that was such an interesting & well written post! I had honestly never heard of demisexuality before but I would definitely like to find out more about it, I find it so interesting. Thanks so much for sharing :) xx
    Katie | http://kaleidoscopepeonies.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! If you want to learn more the link in the post is really great for information on demisexuality :)

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  4. Wow such an inspiring read and I'm glad you have finally been able to talk about it and be comfortable with your sexuality. It's so hard with pressures and I've been enlightened about another 'type' so thank you for this :)

    Kirsty
    www.kirstyralph.co.uk

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  5. Wow I've never heard of this either! Well Done for being brave enough to write about this and educate us all a little more. Thanks for doing this love, I feel like I know the world a little better now.
    Absolutely awesomely honest post.
    Sarah xx

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    1. Thank you, that means a lot :)

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  6. This is such a brave and informative post, so thank you for sharing! I honestly had no idea about demisexuality until now. It really is starting to make sense to me and making me think about things.. hmm. Could I be? It would explain a lot.

    Tamsyn Elizabeth | Peaches and Bear

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    1. Thank you Tamsyn, you can always find out more on the website in the post or reading other peoples experiences, Evan's video really helped me, maybe it can help you too x

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  7. Hi Holly
    Just read your post. I am looking to shoot a piece fora TV show in the UK about demisexuality and was wondering whether or not you would be willing ton help me with some research into it and see what may be the best angle to highlight. I will also be filming a piece for it, so if you are willing to be involved and are based in the UK (Willing to travel to London) I would love that.
    If you're not comfortable being filmed then that's fine but I'd love to speak to you about demisexuality
    Look forward to hearing from you soon

    Mica Baker

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    1. Hello Mica. This sounds incredible I would love to get involved please send me an email at hollyquillsandivy@gmail.com and I will get back to you. I look forward to hearing from you

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