Living with Anxiety*

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This is not a pretty subject, because Anxiety isn't pretty. Its hard and horrible and debilitating and something I have lived with for the majority of my life. 

I have had anxiety since I was 12 years old, but I didn't realise it until I was 18 years old. For the longest time I was told I was just a worrier and I should just get over it and stop thinking about whatever was making me nervous. I have memories of being 12 years old hiding in my room after school begging the phone not to ring and be for me, My heart would pound out of my chest whenever the phone went. I had no idea why I felt that way I just knew I did. 

It only got worse as I got older. I would get so anxious of things I couldn't control to the point where I would feel physically sick. But back then no one really knew about anxiety disorders so how was I ever to know, that I wasn't weird, odd or broken because of these things that in reality were minute but they made my heart race and hands shake. It wasn't until I found a YouTuber called Zoella who talked about anxiety that it finally came together, and I could start to understand why I felt that way.

When I was 18 it started to get worse, and I had to tell my parents, they didn't understand until I explained to them what I was going through, they were supportive and helped me when I needed them.

After that I moved out for university and then it started again but this time I knew ways to manage it and how to fight against it, I even turned to the services at my university who I knew could help. I still struggle with it now, but I accept it now, its a fight I have to deal with everyday but I know how to fight back when it gets to overwhelming. Telling my friends why sometimes I would decline invitations to go out or drink is tough but my friends are incredibly supportive and they know when to offer a hand to help me when I need it. 

Mental health was always something I was ashamed of talking about when I was younger because I thought everyone would think I was being dramatic or seeking attention (which many people did, those people are no longer part of my life) but growing up I found out that I shouldn't be ashamed of something I cant control. I've learnt how to deal with it and live with it, it doesn't always have to put a stop to my life and what I'm doing, I've learnt how to fight against it when I can, and ask for help when I need it, this is especially hard for me. 

Anxiety isn't pretty, but neither is fighting a losing battle.
I don't plan to lose this one.

I was asked to write about my experiences with Mental Health by Millercare ,  they provide living and disability aids to help those with a disability, chronic illness and mental health in order to give them the best quality of life that they can. They are an amazing website who help so many people have a better quality of life.

Write again soon xxx

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